The Official Blog of Ali Wong

The New iPhone 3G for $199

For those of you who already have an iPhone, be prepared for a Chinese heart attack. They’re coming out with a new one, for $199, that has built-in GPS and the latest version of Mac OSX. It’s thinner, faster, and will come with 16GB for $299.

This is the kind of news that makes me need to rub one out!

I just got a free iTouch so I must resist. My tech cycle reboots every 5 years, so you’ll see me rocking an iChip in my iBrain in 2013. Plus I can’t handle all of la vida loca in one device.

CFDA Awards

All photos from style.com

Tory Burch in her own design. Doesn’t she kinda look like Trisha from “The Bachelorette”?

Marc Jacobs: “Can you please stop wearing my dresses?”

Lil Kim: “I can’t hear you. Yo soy deaf. I used some of the tissue from my ear to make the nose”

Andre is getting ready to audition for the caterpillar role in “Alice In Wonderland on Ice.” Velvet purple peep toes??? Who makes those in Andre the Leon Talley’s size? Naomi looking like the fabulous evil genie.

Peter Som! JEAAAAAH!!!!! He needs a sock, and to not wear heels, but whatevs. His dress on Caroline Trentini is GORGEOUS.

Is it just me, or does Isaac Mizrahi look like Tim Burton? He’s standing with  Anh Duong, Miss Modigliani Vietnam dot com.

Philip Lim and some dood…boyfriend perhappies? He’s cute, but kinda crossed eyed baby. Why do these fabulous Asian American male designers, refuse to wear socks? Lengthen the pants if you want to freeball it. Nobody wants to see your ankles. Face the fact that it makes you look like a peasant.

Betsey Johnson is the shit.

Two dying birds in Proenza Schouler

If you want to make a career out of being a funny lady, it’s important to be DOWN TO GET UGLY….for the sake of comedy. As Cheri Oteri once said, “You can always look pretty at the party afterwards.”

Thakoon with a ledday in his purdy purdy design.

Diane Von Furstenburg lookin’ age-appropriate bawwssssy.

One or the other honey. One or the other. Tenx Gahds she didn’t match the shoes too.

Ashley Olsen in the oober expensive blazer-skirt-heels combo. She’s a dying bird treasure troll, but I love. Not so nguyen to the tousled hair, or the little wave going over the forehead.

Cynthia Nixon looking damn good.

My favorite outfit of the night. I need those shorts.

Tips on how to save $, the earth and your health (More Added!)

I’m sharing some Chai-kneeZ secrets with you:

1. Buy a bicycle and pedal that metal. Corrine Bailey Rae yourself everywhere, to save on a gym membership and gas.

2. Eat at home. For Chinese people, Tips=Myth. Plus, when you cook, you control the ingredients. At restaurants, they use tons of butter, MSG and salt. Yes, all of those three items are basically heaven, but they leave your mouth dry, your blood pressure high, and your GI track backed up. If you want to eat out of the house, pack a picnic.

3. Don’t drink alchohol or smoke. As Aileen Chui says, it’s “Grosso and Peligroso.” If you are going to drink alchohol, than get to Costco or BevMo. Again, tips=myth.

4. Peace out movie theater, hello Netflix.

5. If you drink coffee, get a french press. Buying a $3 cup everyday adds up to $1,095 per year!

6. Shop at thrift stores. Organic cotton schmotton, the most sustainable clothing, is used. I love going to Thrift Town or garage sales, for picture frames, furniture, lamps and art.

7. Grow your own herbs. Basil, green onions, cilantro and mint usually cost about $1-$2 a bunch. They’re easy to plant and tend to. Plus, if you always have these on hand, you don’t need much more than salt, pepper, lime juice and oil for fab meals.

8. Use a Klean Kanteen. Fill it up before you leave the house. Bottled water is made out of the cheapest plastic, that totally leaks into the contents. Plus, paying for water is like paying for air.

9. Swap items with friends and family. Irene Dueller and I had a mini “Sexy Sister Swap” a couple weeks ago, where we traded old clothes, candles, gloves knitting needles and earrings. It’s good to swap with someone who is your size, and has similar taste in style and decor.

10. Buy in bulk. If you don’t purchase Kirkland Signature toilet paper, you have down syndrome. Charmin is awesome, and I’d love to wipe my ass with angel pussy, but I’d rather save for a Marc bag.

11. Go generic. They often manufacture the exact same pill, facial cleansers and lotions at the exact same factory as the brand name. When you pay for the brand name, you’re paying for the packaging and advertisements.

12. Get rid of your car and join zipcar. No more insurance fees, circling for parking around your block, or repair and maintenance costs.

13. Bust out the student ID, at the movies, the apple store and anywhere else that gives a discount.

14. Avoid buying “dry clean” only items. Dry cleaners are Chinese-operated Chinese heart attacks. If you do have a lot of dry clean only items, try spot washing.

The Baby Girl

Super Sloppy Video

New Alicia Keys Video

For some reason, I can’t embed this. But WATCH IT if you haven’t already. It’s an homage to Spike Lee’s film “School Days”, and a total macktavist fantasy.

As usual, Alicia is a big fan of the conversational interlude and the word “baby.” For her videos, she always picks these beautiful deep men.

THIS is what I'm talking about....

The Homies Olympics: BBQ

Most co-ed groups of friends are incestruous and eventually get all broken up over drammy bo bammy. Fortunately, none of us in the UCLA 90210 posse let that happen. This past weekend, we reunited and I personally, had the best 48 hours of my entire life. You can tell, how good of friends you are, by how much fun you can have doing NOTHING together. Yes, we tested the Wii Fit, watched VH1 soul, hit wiffle balls and played Taboo. But we spent most of the time just talking, and laughing…hysterically. I wore a maxi pad just in case I peed.

The men all look grown and sexy and it made some of us ladies a little uncomfortable. Who knew their faces could be so chiseled, and the bodies so firm. Sometimes I tried to hug them a little longer than the average embrace time, and sometimes I pressed to the point where my cheeks, were smushed against the pecseez. Now I’m making myself hot and bothered so I’ll stop.

I love inner circles of friends because you never have to do this “catching up” bull doo ding dong…no matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other. I hate being asked the following questions:

“So how’s the comedy going?”

“Tell me a joke.”

“What’s your comedy like? Are you funny?”

“How much do you get paid?”

The answer to all of those questions is: You are a douchebag. You are Summer’s Eve. Dejame en paz.

But with the homies, you can just be yourself, without having to explain anything. Just pure, 100% fun.

Here are some pictures from our BBQ. A magic mic (a.k.a. Filipino wand) video is on the way….